So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
