i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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