apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
