I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
