he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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