Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
