she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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