Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
