hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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