goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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