Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
