So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
splinters make it hard to masturbate
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
