That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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