I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
