no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
