i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
