It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
