Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
