Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
