So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
