it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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