The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
third nipple confirmed
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
