As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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