where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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