My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
