We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
