my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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