i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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