Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
