The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
