i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
