She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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