Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
