can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
