Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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