Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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