Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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