i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You're like the curious george of whores
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
