I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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