If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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