the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
