filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
