I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize