Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
