In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
