why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
