I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
