found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
