There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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