capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
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