I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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