You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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