They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
