I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
