so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
