Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
