I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
