I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
