I am puke
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
