I can text with my tongue
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You need a sexual gate keeper
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
