I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We are all done wearing pants today
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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