He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
