OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
