you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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