Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
birth control should be required to get into college
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
