I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
