i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Help. Why am I so naked?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
