You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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