Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
