Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
