You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
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george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
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Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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