It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
