I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
