The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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