my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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