If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
