I cannot find my penis.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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