is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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